A pretty straight forward book. This book has the power to make us realize that to become successful in life we just need to accept ourselves the way we are. It will let us embrace not only good things but also the bad things that we inherit. The author believes that unless we embrace the painful truth, we won’t get the courage to face it.
This book will teach us on how to be successful in life but in a different way. It will not tell us to see dreams and work for it to fulfill. But will teach us to trust ourselves that we can fall back and still be okay.
TARGET AUDIENCE OF THIS BOOK
This book is for the young generation who are kind of fed up with the motivational speakers who speak about the beautiful life we can lead. But in reality, nothing actually works in spite of following their advices. This book will not say good words, but will still motivate us. This book will take our perception of life to the next level and make us realize the importance of choosing about what is important for us and what is not. It will teach us to embrace some sufferings as inevitable and once we realize it, we become invincible spiritually.
Below is a list of all the 17 MANTRAS that we need in our lives to become successful n life. A click on any of these links will take us to those specific MANTRAS.
- WHAT THIS ART OF NOT GIVING A FUCK ACTUALLY MEANS??
- DON’T TRY.
- HAPPINESS COMES FROM SOLVING PROBLEMS.
- WHAT PAIN DO YOU WANT TO SUSTAIN? WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO STRUGGLE FOR??
- KNOW YOUR TRUE SELF-WORTH.
- BEING AVERAGE IS THE NEXT BIG THING.
- HOW TO BE SELF-AWARE TO OUR ACTIONS?
- VALUES THAT CREATE PERMANENT PROBLEMS IN LIFE.
- WE ARE ALWAYS CHOOSING.
- IT TAKES COURAGE TO COME OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE.
- WE ALL ARE WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING.
- CERTAINTY IS THE ENEMY OF GROWTH.
- FAILURE IS THE ONLY WAY FORWARD.
- REJECTION MAKES OUR LIFE BETTER.
- WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP AND A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?
- HOW TO CREATE AN IDEAL RELATIONSHIP THAT WE ALWAYS EXPECT?
- LIVE LIFE KING SIZE.
WHAT THIS ART OF NOT GIVING A FUCK ACTUALLY MEANS??
This art is about giving priority to doing the right thing and to the right people and believing that it is more important than anybody’s emotions and ego.
People who know this art, do not say “Fuck it” to everything but rather will say to all the unimportant things. They believe that in life there are a number of things that we can be concerned off. But it’s up to the individual about what are the things are to be taken into consideration.
This art believes in the fact of life that we can’t be an important or inspirational person for some people without being a joke or embarrassment to others.
It focuses on finding something more useful and meaningful in our lives. Because if we don’t, there are high chances that we will definitely find something useless and unimportant.
“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. To put more simply: Don’t try.”Mark Manson
The author is trying to put here that to become successful in life, we should not always try for positive outcomes. These results do not actually lead us to grow every time. But negative results have that real potential.
For example failures in business actually lead us to a better understanding of doing business and being successful. Likewise confronting the truth generates more trust and respect in any relationship.
The avoidance of suffering is itself a form of suffering. Suffering through our fears is what allows us to build more courage. The same way the avoidance of struggle is the real struggle.
We got to understand that struggle, suffering, and failures are bound to happen in the process of life. We just have to accept it and move on. It’s about choosing your struggles and suffering and getting out of it victorious.
HAPPINESS COMES FROM SOLVING PROBLEMS.
Humans are programmed to become dissatisfied with whatever they have and satisfied by only what they do not have. This constant dissatisfaction has actually kept we the humans innovate, evolve, and survive.
This dissatisfaction is not a problem within us but a feature actually in real terms. This dissatisfaction can also be termed as pain, misery, failure, and rejection.
The opposite of this feature is happiness which again is misunderstood by many. Some believe that happiness can be achieved by avoiding this dissatisfaction. Some believe that they can do nothing on the dissatisfaction except accepting the end result.
But we forget that the main process of achieving this happiness is by solving problems. Probably that’s the main reason for most of our miseries. Because we tend to avoid the problems that we actually should solve. And that unsolved problem remains in our subjective mind and pokes our objective mind which makes us miserable and tense.
To become successful in life, we need to understand that “Happiness is a constant work-in-progress because solving problems is a constant work-in-progress.”
WHAT PAIN DO YOU WANT TO SUSTAIN? WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO STRUGGLE FOR?
This is a more appropriate question that we actually need to ask ourselves in order to achieve anything.
Because success requires pain and struggle. We have to be ready for the struggle. We just can’t imagine our life to change suddenly without any effort.
Life is all about choosing our struggles and living with them. Whether we suffer from anxiety or loneliness, or a rude boss in our office, the only solution to all this struggle is acceptance and active engagement of that negative experience. Not the avoidance of it.
Like if we want to start a business and be successful. Along with preparing an efficient business plan, there is another thing that we need to be prepared for. That is to accept the risk factors, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and the huge amount of time that will be spent to something that may earn absolutely nothing.
Same way, we all want a suitable partner, who will be amazing, and beautiful. But we can’t end up attracting someone amazing without appreciating their flaws. The anger, the fights, the blocking of phone numbers. They are all part of the game of love. “We can’t win it if we don’t play it.”
Who we are is defined by what we are ready to struggle for. We need to enjoy the struggle and not success. Success is the by-product. We need to accept the struggles and uncertainties that will come in the process of achieving our desired success. Because the joy is in the struggle itself.
KNOW YOUR TRUE SELF-WORTH.
We all have heard from the highly influential and motivated person around us that to become successful in life, we need to build high self-esteem or a positive mindset. But what they lack in suggesting is that this build-up requires some hard work and positive movement towards the goal that we want to achieve.
In today’s time, there are lacks of youngsters who have brilliant ideas developing in their mind almost every day. And these ideas do keep up their self-esteem pretty high. But in reality, they are achieving nothing, they are telling others that these things have to be done like this to be successful but actually they are doing nothing and being confident in only thinking.
This is not a sign of a person having a high self-esteem or the one having self-worth. But the true measurement of this self-worth can be done by understanding how he/she reacts about his/her negative experiences. This parameter actually will determine how strong he/she is, in front of actual practical problems.
A person having high self-worth has the courage to identify his/her negative aspects and correct it. For example, negative aspects of relying too much on someone’s support instead of being self-reliant, being irresponsible with money instead of being money conscious, etc.
It’s actually just a question of when, and how painful it will be to identify and correct our weakness. And most importantly having the courage to do it.
BEING AVERAGE IS THE NEXT BIG THING.
In today’s world, everybody is on a race to be extraordinary and special. Being average or mediocre has become a new standard or parameter of failure. But we are missing a point here. Extraordinary people who have actually achieved extraordinary things do not feel like that.
These people whom we consider special are actually obsessed with improvement. They are happy to achieve mediocrity in life because that’s what brings in them the will to improve every day. They have accepted that they are not special and their actions do not actually make any great impact on the grand scheme of things.
By doing this they actually release the stress of proving themselves that they are special or extraordinary. This status provides everyone including us the platform of being free to accomplish anything without any judgment and expectations.
Being average helps us in achieving life’s basic experiences, like simple friendships, creating something of will, helping others in need, etc. These experiences may feel easy to achieve and boring but these are the real and original things that actually matters. These are the experiences that have and will push us to achieve something extraordinary.
Former Indian Cricket Team captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni is a great example of achieving extraordinary things but choosing to be average.
HOW TO BE SELF-AWARE TO OUR ACTIONS?
An important MANTRA to become successful in life. Being self-aware in simple words means the skill of knowing ourselves. It comprises the values, the people, and the situations that we give importance to in our personal lives. Self-awareness requires practice. This can take years of practice to be aware of what we are and what we value. But every minute that we would spend on building this skill would be worth it once it is accomplished.
The first step is the understanding of our general emotions. Like what makes us happy, sad, angry, emotional, and hopeful. Let’s question ourselves once and find the answers. Some of us will find it difficult to answer it and that’s perfectly normal. The initiative taken is itself an achievement towards our improvement.
The second step is to ask why we feel certain emotions. Like why we feel angry? Is it because we failed to achieve some goal? These “why” questions will help us understand the cause of the emotion and once identified we can take steps in order to correct it.
The third step is our personal values. What is success/failure for me? By what standard am I judging myself and everyone around me? These are tough questions but these very questions have the potential to determine our values that we hold.
It’s important to note that while answering the questions. We should evaluate the answers with the sense of self-improvement. The answers should bring up ways as to how we can change ourselves and not simply blame others.
In our lives, problems are inevitable, it is the values that will determine the way we would handle it. The meaning of each problem is different. We get to control what our problems mean based on how we choose to think about them.
VALUES THAT CREATE PERMANENT PROBLEMS IN LIFE.
PLEASURE. It’s a necessary value for happiness in life. But many people have found this pleasure in the wrong way. They find pleasure to avoid the problems in life unknowingly that true pleasure is achieved when the problem gets solved. People focus on pleasures rather than on finding solutions to the problem that actually generated that desire for false pleasure. Here pleasures are alcohol, smoking, etc.
ALWAYS BEING RIGHT. This value is itself a problem. Because if we believe in being right about everything, then we will lack the opportunities of learning from our mistakes. It is important for us to believe that we don’t know a lot of things around us. This belief will enhance our learning potential and as a result, we will grow in the right direction.
STAYING POSITIVE. Many will think how can the value of staying positive be a problem creator? The answer to it is when we are staying positive at all times, we are actually denying the solution to the problem. Anger, frustration, tears are all-natural tendencies and should be accepted as it is. Problems and accepting negative behavior add a sense of meaning and importance to our life. Thus, to avoid our problems and staying positive will not bring growth in our lives at any cost.
WE ARE ALWAYS CHOOSING.
We all are on a journey called life, and in this life, we get to face many situations. Some situations make us happy, some sad, and some even painful. But facing all these kinds of different situations, there is one thing common and that is our choice of reaction towards the particular situation. Even now, our search to become successful in life is itself a choice that we have taken.
We accept it or not but it is true that a problem is painful or powerful lies in the fact that we chose it, and that we are responsible for the selection. The choice of reaction to every occurrence and every moment is completely ours.
We have no control over what happens to us. But what we do have in our control is the reaction to the situation. And this reaction must be based on the following values that we should inherit in order to set high standards for others to learn and be inspired.
The values are honesty, innovation, standing up for oneself, standing up for others, humility, curiosity, self-respect, and creativity.
These values ask for responsibility to our lives, as when we take that responsibility, these values will provide the extra power that makes a human mentally stronger to face any type of situation.
IT TAKES COURAGE TO COME OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE.
There will be a moment in all our lives when we will suddenly realize that the set of beliefs or values that we had followed from the very beginning needs to be changed. Otherwise, there are chances that our growth on the way to become successful in life may come to a halt.
This is the time when we need to ask questions to ourselves. But the questions should not include a ‘How”. As we have already taken a decision to come out of our comfort zone. Now, it’s only about asking as to which values that we need to focus on in order to achieve it.
This change is however simple but the execution is very hard. The following are the points that we would need to have courage in the process of change.
As there will be a lot of instances when we will feel to give up the idea. This feeling is very normal. Because giving up a value to which we were dependent for many years, will take time to go away.
We will feel like a failure and uncomfortable. But this feeling too comes in the process of change. As when we change our values, our behavior also changes and this change itself will be unknown to us and will take time to get habituated.
This process though painful, but is the most necessary step that we all need to take. There will be feelings of uncertainty but in the long run we will surely realize that the step taken was a good thing.
WE ALL ARE WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING.
Yes, it’s true. We cannot be right about everything. Actually, we are not right about anything at all, and the catch here is being wrong is just the right way to go. Because in reality, we don’t go from wrong to right, rather we go from wrong to slightly less wrong. And this process continues in the process of our growth.
“Well, I am always wrong about everything, over and over and over again, and that’s why my life improves.”Michael Jordan
We should not be finding the ultimate right answer for ourselves, but rather we should go for ways by which the wrong we are today, can be rectified and be a lesser wrong tomorrow.
The question that is obvious to arise now is why we should not look for the ultimate right answer??
The answer to it is that there is no correct or perfect ideology present. One single problem can have a number of solutions. The only way to find the correct answer is our experiences, and even then, that may too be wrong. And because we all have different needs and personal histories and circumstances; we all will have different correct answers about what our lives mean and how they should be lived.
The answers we get will keep changing and evolving because we too are constantly changing and evolving.
CERTAINTY IS THE ENEMY OF GROWTH.
We in our everyday life are fantastic astrologers. We are certain about everything before that thing itself happens. For example, we know we are not attractive, our boss hates us, and nobody appreciates our talent. Knowing these certainties, we decide not to bother about it and by doing this we get moderate happiness and peace of mind.
But these certainties, actually hamper our happiness in the long-term. As these are just mere assumptions and believing in this, may result in many lost opportunities and the chance of growth.
The solution to it is only by being uncertain. By accepting the imperfections of our values as these values will keep changing in the process of growth as an individual.
Uncertainty also relieves us from judging our own selves. We don’t know if we are attractive or not; We don’t know how successful we could possibly become.
The best part about being uncertain is that to achieve certainty we have to work it out and by this, we gather experience which in turn brings growth in us.
Thus, the only way to solve our problems is to first admit that our actions and beliefs are somewhat wrong and needs to be rectified. This acceptance of being wrong and rectifying that wrong will bring in real change and growth within us.
FAILURE IS THE ONLY WAY FORWARD.
The one who has not failed at anything, have not tried anything. In fact, any improvement is based upon thousands of failures that we face in the course of doing something new.
If someone is better than us in something than the sole reason for it is that he/she has failed at it more than us. Similarly, if someone is worse in something than us than we have failed in it more than that someone.
But the tragedy is we always have this fear of failure. Due to this, we stick to things that we are already good at. Avoiding what we believe in the things that we can be exceptionally good at. But this avoidance doesn’t change the fact that true success will only come after true failure.
If we talk about this fear of failure, a lot of credit goes to the values that we select in our lives. Most of our values are not controllable by us but instead controlled by others’ behavior. This is the reason we fear taking new initiatives as we are in fear of others’ opinions. Some of the other values that increase this fear are a success by worldly standards, dominance through violence and manipulation, etc.
If our values in life are more reality-based, immediate, and controllable by us than this fear will reduce. These values are more practical and most importantly not dependent on others’ actions. Some examples of these values are honesty, humility, and creativity.
The best value to be followed is the “do something” value. If we follow this kind of value, then failure feels just a stepping stone in our way to become successful in life.
REJECTION MAKES OUR LIFE BETTER.
This rejection refers to our choices of values and opportunities that we decide not to follow in order to become successful in life. This may counter the opinion of many motivational greats as they advise us to be open to every opportunity that comes our way.
But if we are open to everything than in reality, we stand for nothing. This can be dangerous as finally, our life in someway will continue without any purpose.
To truly accept something, we need to dedicate our time and sometimes money to it. There is a certain level of joy and satisfaction in dedicating to only one thing that’s important for us. But this satisfaction cannot be achieved without rejecting its alternatives.
It’s an unavoidable truth that when we are choosing certain values, we are also rejecting its alternative values. If we are choosing to make our career successful, that means we are rejecting things that will hamper it. Same way, if we are choosing to build a successful relationship, then that means we are rejecting things that are not suitable for the betterment of it.
Rejection is a necessary part of maintaining our values and the things which we reject actually makes our identity. And if we reject nothing than in real sense, we have no identity at all.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP AND A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?
There are many opinions about this topic but basically, in a toxic relationship, two people come closer as an escape to their own problems through their emotions for each other. Whereas a healthy relationship is based on two people acknowledging and addressing their own problems but with each other’s support.
A healthy relationship contains clear boundaries between the two people and their values. There will be every scope of space of giving and receiving rejection as and when required.
In a toxic relationship as there are no boundaries of any kind, the two people will keep avoiding their own problems and take responsibility for their partner’s problems which they do not have any idea. This ignorance of their individual problems ultimately makes the relation weak and fake.
Whereas a healthy relationship having strong boundaries, do take responsibility for problems but of their own.
Now, the question comes how can we identify and avoid such toxic relationships?
To identify it we have to analyze the other person based on two parameters. Firstly, see to it whether the person expects more from other people to take responsibility for their problems. Secondly, if they take too much responsibility for other’s problems and find happiness in it.
The first person does it if he/she feels that if they constantly play the victim part, someone will come along to save them and they would receive the love they want.
The second person does it as he/she feels that if they fix their partner‘s problems, they will get the love and appreciation they want.
In both the cases, they will fail as partners in the long run.
HOW TO CREATE AN IDEAL RELATIONSHIP THAT WE ALWAYS EXPECT?
An ideal relationship doesn’t have anything like you have to do it or else it will not work. It does not force you to do something. If we want to make a sacrifice for someone we care, it is due to we want to, not because we are in fear of its consequences if it’s not done.
Ideal relationships due to their strong boundaries are not afraid to confront each other with anger and argument. They understand the fact that it’s impossible for each other to fulfill every need they have.
For a relationship to be healthy, both people should be ready to say no and hear no. Conflicts are not only normal but necessary too. As if two people who are close are not able to sought out their problems openly, then for the fact that relationship is based on manipulation. This will finally result to be a toxic relationship.
They both will understand that a healthy relationship is not about controlling each other’s emotions, but rather supporting the other in their individual growth and in supporting to solve their problems.
Thus, an ideal relationship is not about being concerned about everything our partner is concerned about. But to be concerned about our partner regardless of the concerns he/she gives.
Finally, acts of love are only valid if they are performed without conditions or expectations.
LIVE LIFE KING SIZE.
Death is the only thing that is permanent in our lives. Nobody can escape it. The thing which is born has to die.
In simple words, it’s all a bunch of nothing in real sense. Whatever we are doing has to come to an end.
Now the question may come, why should we do anything than in the first place?
The answer to it is we should do something for one single reason. That is to leave behind something which can be of greater importance to other living beings. This doing can also be said as a way to never die truly but leave a legacy behind for generations to remember.
The next question may come as how do we do it?
The only way to be comfortable with death is to understand and see ourselves as something bigger than ourselves. It can be done by choosing values that are beyond serving our personal needs, that are simple and controllable and tolerant of the world around us.
This is actually what True happiness is all about. To realize that we are a contributing component of a much larger process. A process that will guide the later generations to become more responsible human beings and guide others the same way.
Once we understand this permanency of death, our life becomes much easier. As we know our time is limited and it all has to be done in this time period.
Thus, we should keep certain values in order to make the most of our gift of life. The values are – accepting responsibility for our own problems, suffering through our fears and uncertainties, accepting failures, and embracing rejections.
This has been one of the most joyful works that I have written as a blogger so far. Hope you too will enjoy it and if not enjoy you will definitely accept the content. A content showing us the very basics of leading our lives in the most practical way possible.
It shows the importance of taking responsibility for our own problems and more importantly not taking responsibility for other’s problems.
An important lesson learned here is to stop being the smart kid who knows everything as this behavior actually ruins us more than it makes us. The fact is we cannot learn anything without admitting that we don’t know something. Admitting our unknowingness opens up more opportunities of learning.
We realize that fear, sadness, anxiety should not be considered as undesirable states of mind; rather they are the necessary growth boosters for our psychological growth. And to deny that pain is to deny our own potential. As our most radical changes in perspective often happen after our worst experiences.
We learn how should we build up a fantastic relationship that we all expect. A relationship that promotes our growth and not degrade it. A relation that brings peace of mind and not disturbs it.
Finally, the big question that we all should ask ourselves. What mark will I make when I am gone? What influence will I have? It’s about giving more to the society and to the world before we finally say goodbye.